Saving Yourself For Marriage – Reasons to Wait Until Your Wedding Night

Marriage is a lifelong affair that should not be started on the wrong footing or shaky foundation; otherwise those involved would regret for the rest of their lives. There is need to get things right and start the relationship in such a way that it would last long and stand the test of time.

There are several reasons why you should save yourself for marriage and wait patiently until the wedding night. The night should be a time of discovery and presentation of the golden gift by one partner to the other.

Some of the reasons to wait until the wedding night therefore include the following:

1. Proper foundation: Marriage is expected to be built on a solid foundation; especially that which is supported by God. Keeping yourself therefore helps to lay such foundation that is devoid of sin. Hebrews 13:4 says that “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” KJV.

Abstaining from all forms of sexual sins before the marriage would help to prevent God’s judgment and preserve the sanctity of the institution. When the relationship is backed by God from the outset, it would be difficult for divorce to come up later.

2. Surprise: Keep the valuable gift for your partner and let him be surprised to discover you are still a virgin. You can imagine the unspeakable joy this would bring to your partner, and the respect he would in turn give to you. It is rare to find mature ladies that are still virgins: it would therefore be the gift of the century if you present it to him on the wedding night. He would live to remember it always.

3. Trust: Waiting patiently without defiling yourself would make your partner trust you to the point of staking his life to vouch for your faithfulness. He would never have any reason to suspect you even though he travels for business or other engagements, he is sure you would never mess yourself up. This is because he is able to trust you and believe you would always maintain your personal principles just the way you did before he met you. The same applies for a man who marries his wife without first having canal knowledge of other women.

4. Clear conscience: It brings a clear conscience; you would not have anything to hide. There are usually no past records of secret affairs, unwanted pregnancies, out-of-wedlock babies, etc to hide form your partner.

5. Prevents diseases: It helps you to come into the relationship free of any kind of sexually transmitted disease. A disease-free marriage would save you the heartache of running from one hospital to the other in search of cure for an STD.

6. Prevents guilt: One big problem couples are struggling with today is the presence of guilt resulting from their premarital sex. But this guilt feeling would be avoided if you are able to save yourself and wait for the wedding night as the best time to have sex for the first time.

7. Newness: Discovering yourselves for the first time on your wedding night would be such a beautiful experience; especially after waiting patiently to unveil the hidden treasure. There would be nothing new to discover if you had had it with him before the night. The excitement would be greater if you are discovering yourselves for the first time than when you have already seen everything and drunken from the cistern before it is officially presented to you.

There is beauty in waiting; it increases your worth in the eyes of your partner. It makes you a woman of honour and dignity. Why don’t you patiently wait until your wedding night and surprise him with the gift of your virginity?

The Wedding Night Dilemma

Marilyn knew she wanted a divorce the same day she got married. The church wedding was beautiful, as was the reception at the country club. The courtship had been exciting and romantic, yet she knew in her gut that something was wrong. This did not subdue her excitement about becoming Mrs. Roger Tillman, Jr.

During a brief break up between she and Roger because she wouldn’t have sex with him, she had a one night fling with a guy at the singles club where she and her girlfriends hung out. Other than that one incident and the feeling in her gut, there was nothing to prepare her for what happened on her wedding night.

The one night encounter had meant very little to her, mainly because it was to get back at Roger, and it being her first time, she experienced some pain. Roger had returned back to her life shortly after the one night stand, and convinced her that marriage was their only solution.

A quick wedding was planned and the invitations were sent out.

Roger took care of all the honeymoon details. They would fly to Los Angles, with a one night layover and leave the next day for Hawaii. This one night layover, proved to be Marilyn’s savior.

Roger was his usual sweet self at the wedding and reception. Even at the airport he was attentive and warm. It was much later that evening after the long flight across country that Marilyn saw a side of her new husband which she never knew existed.

The wedding night started off like most newly weds. Both were tired from the long day, both were anxious to experience each other. Roger went to the bathroom to change into something comfortable, first. When he came out of the dressing room area, he was wearing a leather jump suit with holes in it. He had a whip, hand cuffs, and chains hanging down from his waist area.

He then begin trying to explain to Marilyn, that this was what married couples do!

Marilyn was ready to call her Momma.

She remained quite long enough to realize that Roger thought her to be a virgin and he had ever intension of sexually enslaving his new wife. When Marilyn tried to object, without letting him know, that she wasn’t exactly a virgin, Roger became angry.

Marilyn than decided to go alone with the program and escape from the room as soon as she could.

After going into the restroom and putting her street clothes back on, she put her robe on top, and brushed her hair. She had been given cash at the wedding reception, and stuffed the cash into her bra, as she thought about how to get out of the room.

Slowly Marilyn opened the door, to see the man she had married in a leather get-up with chains hanging from his waist. Walking to him, slowly, Marilyn looking him straight in the eyes, and asked him to get some ice, so she could have a drink to help her perform better.

Roger’s eyes got big and he said, “Baby, I don’t have my cloths on, why don’t you get the ice, and I’ll get the drinks out of the mini-bar.”

As Marilyn walked slowly to the door, she turned and said, “I’ll be right back.” Once out of the room, she ran to the elevator and headed to the lobby. Once in the lobby, she ask the bellman to get her a cab. By the time the cab pulled up, she could hear Roger calling her name, as the cab pulled away from the curb.


“Yes, madam.” replied the cab driver as he speed up, as if he was in a car chase.

Once at the airport Marilyn contacted her mother, who immediately called the airlines and paid for the plane ticket back home. She told Marilyn to stay in the VIP Lounge in case Roger followed her to the airport.

Marilyn did as her mother instructed. And as she sat at the bar, trying to act like a grown up, instead of a frighten child of 22 years, questions begin to formulate within her mind. Why hadn’t she known this about Roger? Why hadn’t she insisted on sleeping with him before marring him? She silently became angry at the church. She had followed the teachings of her church as far as Roger was concerned, yet she felt betrayed. Roger’s family were members of the same church.

Marilyn’s plane trip back to the East coast was a long trip home. She cried softly in her seat as she tried to convince the airline attendant, that she was ok.

Marilyn’s mother picked her up at the airport and convinced her not to explain “all” the details of the previous night to her father. Marilyn’s mother said over and over again, that there were several reasons for this decision. First, she didn’t want to explain to the church members what had actually happened. And secondly, neither Marilyn nor her mother wanted to see Marilyn’s father in prison for assault. Marilyn knew if her father knew the truth, he would seriously hurt Roger. She also realized this would cause a family feud between the two families and possibly within the church.

But regardless of what Marilyn told her father, her heart knew the truth, and she openly wondered, if she would ever have the courage to love again.

The Misconception on Virginity

“David, David! We are waiting for you and your wife in the sitting room. Don’t forget to come with the proof,” George, David’s father, said loudly outside his son’s bedroom.

Assembled in the sitting room were elders of the clan, uncles, aunts and David’s mother. The day before they had witnessed the colourful wedding of their son to Susan, a tall beautiful lady. This is the same one they were all gathered to ‘crown’ as their ‘new’ daughter. But first, “Had she passed the acid test?”

The people gathered in the sitting room were growing impatient. David’s mother broke the silence by mumbling something about David and his wife taking too long, and shuffled her feet towards her son’s bedroom to remind them of their critical obligation to the ‘clan’!
David, in response, asked to be given 2 minutes for they were still preparing themselves. “Mum, you know it has been a long night. We’ve hardly slept a wink.” Even in the heat of the moment, his mother understood, or so she thought, that that was a joke and laughed heartily, in spite of herself.

“Two minutes! We don’t have the whole day here. Your uncles and aunts have to travel back to their homes today. You know what I mean.”

Inside the room, David and his wife were confused. They didn’t know what to do. The white sheets they had been given the day before had no ‘foreign’ colour on them. There were no stains of blood on them. That alone proved to David that Susan had not been a virgin when he married her. David did not know what to think. His heart was in turmoil. Anger, confusion and a feeling that he had been lied to were the ingredients of the turmoil.

“David, sure as I told you earlier, I have never had sex with any other man apart from you. You’ve got to believe me,” Susan implored.

David shouted out, despite himself, “You lied to me you were a virgin! How many other guys have you ever slept with? Tell me, eh.” He said this as he menacingly edged towards her. Then came the strident bang on the door.

“David, we are running out of patience,” George said, rather angrily.

Without thinking, and amid the gentle sobs of his wife, David took the sheets and stormed out of the room. When the people gathered in the sitting room saw him, they sat upright and expectantly waited for good news. But one look at his face, they sensed trouble. His father nudged the clan elder who was in attendance to take it from there.

“David, go and bring your wife with you,” he said.

When both David and his wife were in front of them, the elder of the clan took the sheets and spread them on the sitting room floor. All three sheets were as white as they had been the day before. David’s parents were as wide-eyed as the other people present in the room. They had expected to see blood on the sheets to prove that Susan had been a virgin on her wedding day.

After a lengthy deliberation, it was agreed that Susan was not worthy to be their son’s wife thus she had to go.

“Susan, we are a respected family and will not agree to be party to the dishonour that your acceptance into this family would have brought us. So pack your bags and leave our house and our son,” David’s father pronounced the harsh judgement.

Susan had to leave, after all. One tumultuous day was the number of days their marriage had lasted.

Such crude actions are driven by ignorance of the bare facts about what is ( and what is not) virginity. Virginity, in this context, is the state of having no sexual experience. Again, people wrongfully think that they can prove a lady’s virginity simply by ‘the production of blood during sexual intercourse’.

Even some of those who do not ‘produce’ blood during their ‘first’ sexual experiences are virgins. Here’s why I say so:-)

A hymen is the fold of skin partly closing the entrance to the sex organs of a virgin.
Thin Hymen: Most girls have a thin hymen with a hole of about 2 cm diameter. A man’s hard penis is 3 or 4 cm diameter, and so the hymen will stretch or break during first-sex. This may cause a little bleeding and pain.

No Hymen: Some girls are born without a hymen. So they have no bleeding during first sex.

Broken Hymen: Sometimes, a girl’s hymen breaks before marriage, and so she has no bleeding on her wedding night. There are two ways that a girl’s hymen can break:

a) Having sex

b) During sports such as horse riding or through the usage of menstrual tampons

So, really, there is no need to raise a fuss (i.e. , of course, if you don’t have the facts!) if your newly wedded wife does not bleed on your first wedding night. She may have broken her hymen during sports or may not have been born with one in place.